The Darkness and The Light
by BlameThePlotBunnies
Summary: Captain Becker had always been alone. Except the couple of times that he wasn't... At first Becker/Danny, (trigger for suggestion of somewhat abusive relationship, but he kind of needs it that way, so not exactly...) but mostly Becker/Matt. Slash, if you hadn't already worked that out ;)
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N Sooooooo, this is just late night stuff that I've thrown together in a few hours... but there will be more. much more... Enjoy ;)_**

_First, he had been alone. That had started from birth – he'd never really felt anything for his parents, and he suspected they had never felt anything for him either – and it had lasted right through school, Eton and then Sandhurst; and it had gone with him into the army, followed him through countless tours of duty, two in Afghanistan. And he had thought it had followed him here, to the ARC. Yes, first he had been alone._

_Then, there had been Danny._

_Danny was probably everything that Becker should have avoided; he was dangerous, a risk taker; he could be hard and cold and brutal, but he had a good heart, and he gave Becker the things he needed. Hard. Rough. Pain. Anger. Fear. These he gave in spades. But he also gave protection, warmth, consistency, and, when Becker really needed it most, tenderness. Applied sparingly, certainly, but it was there and Becker cherished it. Danny had been someone to hold onto in his darkest moments. He had not encouraged Becker to talk about his demons, as most might have done, only to face them, to fight them, and to tell him when the battle was won. Victory meant more of that sparingly given sweet tenderness flowing between them. Failure meant hard words, cold silences and rough love. _

_It had been a tough life, one that might have broken most, but Becker had revelled in it. _

_Then Danny had disappeared, Connor and Abby – two of the few that Becker had really come to count as friends – alongside him. He and Sarah had stayed close, the two survivors of an interminable war that none of them had really wanted to fight. _

_Then she had been killed, and Becker had been alone again._

_This time, he had coped. This time he had Danny to wait for, this time he wasn't really alone. And so he waited._

_And waited..._

_And waited..._

_Connor and Abby had returned without Danny. And still he'd waited, though he wasn't alone anymore._

_And then... _


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: And then... **

_Then he had gone for a beer with Matt, the new field team leader, after work one day – he needed more friends, he had told himself, he couldn't stay in at nights forever; Danny certainly wouldn't have done, had their roles been reversed – and that had been good. They'd drunk and talked, and drunk some more and eventually opened up a little. It had been... pleasant. Easy, perhaps, was the word. Comfortable._

_Then one night had he had been working surveillance, sitting up in the dull, cramped little security room, watching all the CCTV feeds and trying not to fall asleep. And Matt had turned up with a pizza and a bottle of Coca-Cola. He had stayed and they had talked and eaten, swigging Cola straight from the bottle, and that had been... nice. _

_Shortly after, they'd pulled a late night duty shift together and managed to get locked in one of the access corridors in the dark. Lester had been furious that the detector had been unmanned all night, but fortunately nothing untoward had gone off. And they – Becker and Matt – had had hours with nothing to do but sit and wait and talk. And talk they had, about anything and everything. Things that Becker felt a twinge of guilt for sharing with Matt, because they were things he had wanted to share with Danny – memories and emotions and interests – that he hadn't shared simply because he knew that Danny would not be interested. Matt had been though. They had even more in common than Becker had first thought, and perhaps that was where the twinge of guilt had come from, that he was becoming closer to his new friend than he had ever been to his lover. There was a connection. _

_He had avoided Matt for a few days after that. _

_He hadn't managed to keep it up for long of course. Long enough to miss him, at least; long enough to convince himself he was being stupid, over-thinking something clear-cut and simple, the way Danny had always laughed at him for doing. _

_Then he'd been attacked by one of the creatures at the school and he'd nearly died and through it all, the only thing he had been able to feel besides the blinding pain was Matt's hand in his, holding tight. Like he'd never let go._

_They'd kissed in the medical bay when it was all over. And it had been magic._

**_End Note: Awww, cute ;) It's not even over yet... more to come guys ;)_**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Becker gets a bit confused, Matt points things out, and they both get their butts in gear, basically.**

_Becker had been glad of his enforced medical leave. It had given him an excuse not to see Matt, because there was no question about seeing Matt again. When he did, it would be at work only. Except this once, he promised himself as he text Matt a couple of days before he was due back at work, inviting him to meet up at their favourite pub for a pint._

_Just the once, he repeated to himself like a mantra; just the once, to explain. _

_"__You look better." Matt had said, brightly, by way of a greeting._

_"__I don't feel better." Becker had replied, honestly._

_Matt looked confused, and not just a little bit worried "I thought the doc said-"_

_"__I don't mean my leg." Becker replied, brusquely, reaching for his beer._

_"__Oh." Matt had replied, softly, sinking into the chair opposite him. _

_Becker sighed and pushed the other pint on the table towards him. "I can't." He said simply. Matter-of-factly. "There's... someone I'm waiting for." He looked down at his beer "I'm sorry."_

_"__It's okay." Matt had replied, gently, after a moment. _

_"__It is?"_

_"__Yeah." Matt sipped his pint. He looked sad, but resigned. "I always knew there was something… behind it all." _

_Becker put his head on one side, a silent question._

_"__The way you'd look at me sometimes… like you were looking for someone else. So lonely." He paused. "I hope he makes you happy, Becks, I really do. Happy and… not lonely."_

_"__I don't think anyone can make me 'not lonely'." Becker replied, thoughtlessly. He winced when Matt frowned at him, lowering his beer to the table._

_"__You always lonely, Becks?" He asked,_

_"__I don't know." Becker lied._

_Matt gazed at him for a moment and Becker was reminded of that description in Harry Potter, because Matt was definitely giving the impression of x-raying him with his eyes. "I see." He said, eventually, and Becker knew that the other man knew he was lying._

_"__If I were to do this, now, with you, with anyone, I'd be betraying Danny." _

_"__I understand, Becks."_

_"__Do you?" Becker asked, cringing at the desperation in his voice._

_"__Don't I?" Matt challenged, lightly._

_"__I…"_

_"__If you don't think I understand, then explain." Matt replied simply._

_Becker stared at him for a long time._

_Matt opened his mouth to speak._

_"__I'm thinking." Becker told him, before he could get the words out._

_The other man relaxed back into his chair and Becker ran around his mind in circles for a few minutes._

_"__Okay." He said, eventually._

_Matt looked up at him sharply, curiosity etched on his face._

_"__Okay, I suppose what it boils down to is this:" He took a deep breath "If I were to be with you, I'd feel guilty – I already feel a little guilty, and that was just a kiss – about Danny. It's not his fault he's not here with me."_

_"__It's not yours either." Matt reminded him, gently_

_Becker ignored him and plunged - rather recklessly really, he thought - onwards "I'd be betraying him. But if I don't… then I'm hurting you, and that's really the last thing I want to do."_

_Matt nodded to show he understood._

_"__And… well, I suppose I'm betraying myself as well."_

_Matt raised a questioning eyebrow _

_"__Because I do want to." Becker clarified, his fair cheeks pinking slightly. "Want has never been an issue."_

_"__Okay." _

_"__That's it, really."_

_"__I know."_

_"__Do you understand?"_

_"__I thought I did… before you explained."_

_It was Becker's turn to raise a questioning eyebrow._

_"__I'm not being funny, Becks, and I'm not trying to make it difficult for you, but… well, if that explanation were on a balance, it wouldn't be weighted in favor of the decision you're making."_

_Becker stared at him for a moment before responding, very, very quietly. "No, I suppose it wouldn't."_

_"__Look, I'm not trying to force you or anything-" Matt hurried to add, but Becker waved his words away._

_"__I hadn't really thought of it like that before." He paused, biting his lip. _

_Matt was so busy trying to ignore how thoroughly endearing that action was, that he nearly missed Becker's words_

_"__I may have to rethink this…" He said, thoughtfully_

_"__If you want some more time-" Matt began_

_"__What I want," Becker interrupted, decisively "Is another pint."_

_"__Well we can't ignore the call of the beer." Matt replied, with a grin, rising from his seat and holding out a hand for Becker's glass before he headed to the bar._

_Becker watched him go. 'Nice arse…' he thought, idly, before mentally shaking himself. That wasn't helping. He settled himself to the more serious task of working things out._

_"__One pint, as Sir requested." Matt said, plonking the glass down on the table in front of Becker. _

_"__Can I change my mind?" Becker asked immediately_

_"__About the pint?" Matt asked, as he sat down._

_"__About the not doing this?"_

_"__Course you can, if you want to."_

_"__Then I changed my mind."_

_"__You did?"_

_"__Yeah. It's been a year. I can't wait forever. And, well, I want this, so I'm buggering well going to have it."_

_Matt grinned._

_That had been the start of something beautiful. _

**_End Note: Mwahahahahaha, still not over..._**


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: Because Becker needs closure, like anyone else would._**

_The six months that followed were six months of something Matt hadn't expected to have in his life, and Becker had never dreamed he'd ever be ready for. They'd barely kept it quiet a week. It hadn't been deliberate, outing themselves to the team, it had just sort of happened. Becker had been standing by the detector with Jess when Matt had wandered up, absent-mindedly giving his lover's arse an appreciative squeeze, one that Becker had leant into, tensing his buttocks encouragingly. It had only been when Abby wolf-whistled at them and started clapping that they had both realised where they were. _

_It wasn't perfect of course. They clashed from time to time, just as they always had, but they always seemed to come back to the two of them, together. It was good, Becker reflected sleepily, as he lay in bed early one more, entwined with his sleeping lover. Better than good really._

_And then Danny had come home._

_"__You and Matt." He had said, in the few moments he and Becker had gotten alone_

_"__Yep." Becker had confirmed, certain now in his decision._

_"__Does he take care of you?"_

_"__Yes."_

_"__Love you right?"_

_Becker blushed "Of course."_

_"__Be all sweet and tender with you?"_

_Becker had frowned in surprise at that question, then found himself unable to keep the (he suspected) slightly soppy grin off his face._

_"__Yes."_

_"__Then my work here is done."_

_And then, as suddenly as he'd arrived, he'd gone again._

_Becker didn't seem bothered. Matt knew better than to ask. If he wanted to talk about it, Becker would tell him._

**End Note: Once again, I have not finished ;) Well, I have finished what is pre-written. more soon lovelies. time to sleep now. ;)**


End file.
